It's Like Whatever

The weird ramblings and random streams of consciousness of a sometimes lucid woman.

Friday, June 18, 2004

The Camera's In The Mail

Well, well, well . . . here I sit, happy as a clam (how do you really know if clams are happy? ESP? Do you "talk with the clamimals?"). Anyway, after another long night of eBay hell I have decided to give up on the bidding crap and just "buy now". I found the camera I wanted with a lithium battery charger kit and a tiny little memory card. The little package is enough to make Dimples a happy camper. The seller of the camera lives in Seattle, which is close enough for my comfort zone. I feel safety in their nearness. The war is over. There were no casualties. Life can return to normal. Now I can clean my house with abandon and in the evening have an actual conversation with my darling hubby, Chip.

My best friend, Sista had a good point about the camera. Will I let Dimples use it? Hmmmm . . . the girl's got a point. Knowing that she may have a valid concern I have had a liitle talk with me and we have decided to just be cool. If the thing drops, falls in a puddle of mud, gets backed over by the car (like my dust buster did) then I will say nothing. In the event that any of these things happen I will go directly into the bathroom, shut the door and scream into a towel (so as not to be perceived as freaking out). Then I will return, offer sympathy and help and try to make everything okay. End of story. My theory is that if I worry about it, what I fear the most will probably happen. If I don't worry about it the "perfect" camera will work until Dimples is 104 years old.

I'm just happy that it's a done deal.

Say Cheese!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

The Sniper

I am pissed . . . really, really, really pissed. I feel the need to vent my frustration before I do something that will have me wearing orange for a long, long time. So sit right back and you'll hear a tale . . .

eBay, that's where it all started. After doing hours of research to find the camera of my son's dreams the choice was between two cameras: Fuji Finepix A205 or Kodak Easyshare CX6230. I read a bazillion reviews, adjusted my price range and even spent some up close and personal time with the cameras at Best Buy, Circuit City, Fred Meyer and WallyWorld. It was at Wallyworld that I found "the" camera. I fondled quite a few, checked out their options and ease of use. While holding the Kodak Easyshare a light shone down from heaven and that music that you hear when the light shines down from heaven ("clean up on isle 9") rang through my head. After dodging a falling price, I exclaimed "THIS IS IT, THE ONE!". My search is over, my son's birthday will be complete. Tears of joy almost streamed down my face. Feeling satisfied, I returned to work knowing that all was right in the world. Now all I had left to do is find it cheaper on eBay.

Naive eBay virgin that I am (or was) I was to find that getting what you want for the price you want isn't as easy as it would seem. I found the cameras I wanted to bid on. Then I checked the sellers reviews and shipping prices. Ta Da! There it was! I took the auction by the horns and wrangled a sweet deal on that camera. During the entire auction I was the winner. Riveted to the computer I watched the auction up until the last minute. The bold green words that said I was the highest bidder were blazing before me. One minute left. Oh god! It was so exciting, almost orgasmicly so. Heart racing, stomach knotting, palms sweating . . . less than a minute left. Butt raised off the chair, ready to leap up and do a victory dance, my bold green turned to fine red. What the hell just happened here?!!! For ONE more dollar, during the last fucking 10 seconds of the auction some asshole stole my son's gift right out from under me. I hate that asshole, whoever they may be. The eBay virgin was raped by some heartless bastard. Will the emotional scars ever heal?

The following morning I lamented to the computer/eBay addict at work and was informed that there is a name for that. That name is "SNIPER". So here I go again. Only now, as Bugs Bunny would say "This Means War!". This time, however, I will be the one hiding in the bushes, with a powerful scope on my "piece", waiting to snatch away the precious camera with a one dollar bid. I'm kicking ass and taking names people!

Time for a little target practice!

While making drugs . . .

Today at work I was doing a task where I get to work and daydream at the same time. Of course I came up with the most brilliant subjects to blog about - men and their "afflictions", stinky towels, my wonderful children, funny, oh so funny crap that would make you laugh your ass off. But, alas here I sit at home and, like corn through a goose, the ideas have quickly passed. I will press on and try to come up with some weird, random shit, which is really all I think about any way.

Okay, I was driving home and passed a strip joint. It said "all NUDE dancers, 24 hours a day". This made me think about wierd, random shit. Like for what purpose do certain things have?
Such as . . .

1. NUDE pantyhose - Why? Who likes these? If you want to be nude, don't wear them, duh!!

2. Low carb or "light" beer - Again, why? If you want a buzz you have to drink twice as much. Then you get bloated, have to pee a lot, spend twice as much money and feel guilty to boot. I say just get what you like in the first place . . . or if the buzz is what you're after, find the brew with the highest alcohol content and drink on an empty stomach. Problem solved!

3. Spike heeled shoes - In my opinion these have no reason to exist, unless . . . want to look like you're walking on a tight rope with a wedgie, enjoy excruciating pain or want to be perceived as a ho. They are stupid and wrong and were probably invented like a man. By the way, if a man likes them let him wear them!

I was pondering this question today. Can a yogi stick their head up their ass? With the contorted, pretzel like poses that I've seen, I think that "Whooping crane with head up it's ass" is plausible. Ha!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

The Gift

My middle son "Dimples" will be turning nine in a few weeks. He doesn't want much for his birthday, just three things. Here is the list. Correction, this is his list for me. You see, he has one for me, each set of grandparents and my best friend, who always finds the perfect, cool thing. So here is MY list:

1. Shield Soaker squirt gun
2. Pokemon Crystal Game Boy Advance Game (got it off ebay)
3. A digital camera

Item number three has caused me two sleepless night. The reason, I want to give my sweet boy exactly what he wants - a camera that can take movies, take "nature pictures" of birds flying and snakes slithering and he would like the pictures to not be blurry. This is quite a tall order when you only want to spend fifty or so bucks (which is so not going to happen). So, even though it's a lovely evening, I will be spending my time finding the ever elusive, perfect gift.

Happy, Snappy, Hunting!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004


Well, here I go. Where I end up nobody knows. This is my first entry of what will probably be many. Of course I feel on the spot, like I should write something really witty. But, at the moment I feel embarassed, the feeling you get when someone needs to use the only bathroom in the house while you are trying to pee. Then knowing that your child is holding their "wee-wee", jumping on one leg with the other crossed above the knee crying "I've gotta go, NOW" your bladder becomes incredibly shy and you sit there . . . wishing . . . you . . . could . . . just . . . pee. Yeah, that's kinda how it feels.